The Blair Kitteh Project
by Eevee Tofu
Summary: Blair turns Soul into a cat, just 'cause. But how amusing does everyone else find it? - Rather silly story, with eventual SoulxMaka fluffiness. Rated for language. Don't be fooled, there's no sex in here.
1. Chapter 1

GOD WHERE THE HELL DID THIS IDEA EVEN COME FROM

**- x - x - x - x - x -**

Blair the cat slumped in a chair, bored that no one was around to play with. Well, there was Soul, but he was currently napping - rather, he'd fallen asleep while studying. His head lay on his open textbook, a string of drool dangling from the corner of his mouth. Blair pouted grumpily at him, a little "hmph!" of indignation escaping her. How dare he sleep, when such a gorgeous woman as her was around! She crossed her arms and flicked her tail in annoyance.

And that's when it hit her. A devious, Grinch-like smile curled her lips, and she lifted a finger to wave at him as she cast a spell.

"Pum-pum-pumpkin... Feline form!"

**- x -**

"I'm home!" Maka announced as she opened the door. "Soul? Blair?" She called the second name with a note of annoyance, as she wasn't particularly fond of the other woman hanging around all the time. However, the cat-lady didn't seem to be there at the moment. Maka supposed she'd gone out to wander the streets in search of a handout, and possibly to flirt.

"Mmngh!~" A comfortable groan made her turn towards the couch, where she saw Soul lounging, currently engaged in a catlike stretch. "Oh... S'up, Maka." He flashed that smirk of his, fluffy pointed ears twitching slightly.

... That... was _not_ normal.

"Uhhh..." Maka tried to put the current predicament into words. "Um... Soul... Y-you have... ears."

The white-haired boy lifted an eyebrow, looking at her oddly. "Yeah," he said slowly. "I've... always had ears, you know..."

"No no, I mean...!" Maka frowned in frustration and crossed the room, reaching to tug gently at the new appendages on his head. "You have _ears_!"

Soul jumped, immediately shifting to a seated position, a faint red dusting his cheeks. "W-whoa! Hey!" he cried indignantly, his tail fluffed up in surprise. "Warn me before you do something like that!"

A sly grin claimed the girl's features, and she reached for an ear, scratching behind it. Soul's crimson eyes seemed to glaze over, and his eyelids fell to half-mast, making him appear to be in utter bliss. It was actually... kind of cute. He suddenly realized what he was doing, and jerked away from her touch, glaring, though blushing fiercely.

"Okay, new rule. Don't touch the ears." He covered said appendages with his hands.

"Where did those come from, anyway?" Maka asked, sitting beside him on the couch.

Soul shrugged one shoulder. "Beats me. Just woke up and there they were."

"Where's Blair? I bet she had something to do with this."

"Dunno the answer to that, either."

Maka pursed her lips in thought. "I can't see why she'd do something like this to you, though, and not stick around to watch the results..." She noticed that Soul was staring intently at her. "Um... What's up?"

Soul moved closer and extended a hand, and pawed at one of her pigtails. It swayed back and forth tauntingly; he swiped at it again, fascinated by its movement. He sat up on his knees and batted at her hair with both hands, grunting softly with intense concentration.

After Maka took a moment to marvel at the sheer what-the-fuck-ery of it, she snatched her pigtail from his clutches. "Do I have to pet your ears again?" she warned.

Said ears flattened against Soul's head as he retreated. "No," he muttered, playing idly with his tail, and glaring at the floor.

**- x - x - x - x - x -**

Dear god what. What is this I don't even.

There is WAY too much potential for this. I wanted to write a neko story that deviated from the usual cutesy-snuggly-horny thing that writers usually seem to do. Because if you have (or have had) a cat, you know that they act really weird, and it's hilarious, and not at all like the standard "oh, i'm so sexy, nya~" bullshit that pops up whenever you see catboys and catgirls.

So, yeah. Prepare for uber silliness, and a little bit of romance. (Or a lot, depending on what my muse dictates... idefk.)


	2. Chapter 2

This whole idea just cracks me up like you have no idea.

Also, I just finished episode 33. Medusa is a bitch, and I want to steal Crona. Speaking of Crona, he isn't in this story because he's too busy being adorable. In my room. I made him a nest out of stuffed animals. HE IS MY BABEH. I WILL HUG HIM AND SQUEEZE HIM AND FEED HIM MASHED POTATOES AND HE WILL BE A GOOD LITTLE PINK-HAIRED SHOTA. And Ragnarok? You can eat my leftovers.

**- x - x - x - x - x -**

The following day yielded mixed results from the other students at the Academy, the most notable of which was a raucous bout of laughter that echoed throughout the halls.

"Gahaha! Look at your ears!" Black Star guffawed, doubled over with laughter, tears streaming down his face. A long white tail twitched in irritation, the aforementioned ears folding flat against Soul's head as he glared at the younger boy.

"He looks cute," Tsubaki said with a warm smile. "Black Star, you'd look silly with cat ears."

"What?" The young assassin leapt to his feet, giving his weapon partner a challenging stare. "Yeah, right! I bet I'd make a cute cat! Way cuter than Shark-boy over there!"

"Hmph." Soul pouted angrily at the nickname.

"KITTY!~" A rambunctious blonde flew in from outta fuckin' nowhere and clung to Soul, giggling with a wide grin as she hugged him. "Aww, you look so cute!"

"Patty, leave the poor kid alone," Liz said lazily, giving her a half-hearted tug. The smirk on her lips made it obvious that she was quite amused by the situation. Soul's tail fluffed up in warning, and a low yowling sound gurgled in his throat. "Okay, enough kitty time." The elder removed her sister from the angered scythe, which calmed him down a little.

"Interesting," Death the Kid mused, inspecting the pointed ears. He jolted suddenly, his eyes widening. "Gah! One of your ears is off-center!" He tugged it slightly to make its position match the other; the touch caused Soul to leap backwards, looking very flustered indeed.

"Oh. Yeah, apparently his ears are very sensitive," Maka said, snickering a little at Soul's attempt to glare at Kid.

"Oh, really?" Black Star piped up. "What happens if I do this?" He took hold of Soul's cat ears and rubbed them, grinning mischievously.

"Cut that out, you bastard!" Soul hissed, freeing himself from the other boy's grasp and huddling behind Maka - partly for protection, and partly to hide the massive blush that had overtaken his face.

Maka cleared her throat. "Class is about to start. We should head over." As the others made their way to the classroom, Soul shot her a glance of relieved gratitude. She smiled genially - and reached to scratch behind an ear. Soul grunted and ducked away from her hand, but not before a soft purr reached his maestre's ears. Unbeknownst to the scythe, Maka's stomach squirmed a little at the sound. _He's actually really cute like this,_ she thought to herself. _Maybe I'm not so angry at Blair for whatever she did to him..._

**- x -**

Soul slumped in his chair, his ears twitching and swiveling at all the chatter around him in the classroom. Other students had noticed his predicament, and were whispering excitedly about it - and he could hear every word. He didn't like it. This was awkward, and vaguely embarrassing, but a cool guy like him didn't get embarrassed, so it was just awkward.

"His ears are still off-center," Kid whimpered, gazing sadly at him. Liz rolled her eyes and flicked him in the head. "Hey! What was that for?"

"You're such a dweeb sometimes, Kid."

"Haha! Dweeb! What a funny word! Duh-weeeee-buh!"

"Stein's coming," Soul said suddenly (Holy Ra, look at my alliteration skills!), his ears pointing toward the classroom door.

"Huh? How do you know?" Maka looked curiously at the doorway.

"I can hear his chair." And sure enough, a few seconds later, the rolling of plastic wheels across linoleum tile could be heard, gradually becoming louder, until said chair appeared at the threshold and dumped its occupant onto the floor. A few students snickered, and Patty giggled loudly, having no shame whatsoever.

"Pfft, that never gets old," Liz smirked, chuckling as her sister snorted amidst her giggles.

Dr. Stein stood up, brushed himself off, adjusted his glasses, picked up the chair, sat in it once more, and reached up to turn the large screw in his head, all while acting as though nothing strange had happened at all. The ratcheting sound of the screw was oddly fascinating to Soul, who stared at the object, riveted. Maka tilted her head curiously as she observed him.

A little ball of paper landed on the desk between them. It drew Soul's attention to it, and Maka's attention to its trajectory. She looked back at the row up behind them to see Black Star inspecting the ceiling, as if it was the most fascinating thing ever. Tsubaki looked down at Maka, pointed at her maestre, and mouthed, "He did that!" Maka chuckled and turned back to Soul, who was still staring at the ball of paper, a hand poised to strike it. In a flash, he lowered his hand, trapping the ball. A victorious grin claimed his features.

And then another one appeared.

Soul glared challengingly at this newcomer, and covered it with his other hand. A third ball of paper landed on the desk, and he lifted a hand to snatch it, which left the first ball uncovered. He quickly shifted his second hand to cover that one, leaving another paper ball free. This continued for a few moments until one of the paper balls went skittering across the desk, bounced down the steps, and managed to roll itself out the classroom door. Soul leaped after it, chasing it out into the hall. Stein watched, completely perplexed at his student's behavior.

"Ah goh ih!" Soul reappeared in the doorway, grinning triumphantly at Maka, the paper ball clenched securely in his teeth. Black Star gasped for breath, his laughter nearly choking him; other students joined in, and the 'hunter instinct' drained from Soul, leaving him crouched in the doorway feeling ridiculous. He looked around the classroom, his ears folding down in embarrassment (even a cool guy would be embarrassed in this situation), considering just getting the hell out of there. When he saw the Doctor's expression, however, it sealed the deal. Stein was giving him That Look, the look that indicated fascination - and that was dangerous. Soul hauled ass outta there, the laughter following him all the way to the Academy's front doors.

"Alright, settle down." Stein turned back to the chalkboard and began to write, and the giggles died down. Maka stared sadly at the doorway, feeling somehow responsible. (Woman logic. It just don't make sense.)

"Maka," Kid whispered, snapping her back to reality. She turned to face the young reaper, who jerked his head in the direction of the doorway. _You gonna go after him?_

The girl sighed, biting her lips. _Guess I should._

Kid nodded once. _Good._

Maka picked up her bag, and Soul's, and descended the stairs to the classroom door, not bothering to say anything. Dr. Stein didn't even look up from the chalkboard.

"I was wondering how long it would take her," he said, making it seem like an off-handed comment. But the five remaining friends had been thinking the same thing. If even the Doctor could see it, why couldn't the two of them?

**- x - x - x - x - x -**

The italics during Maka and Kid's little exchange are meant to be words that are not said, but are still understood by the recipient. Kinda like mind-reading, I guess, only it works with soul wavelengths. I DON'T KNOW, OKAY? LEAVE ME ALONE.

Hooray for tiny slash moments with Soul, Black Star, and Kid! XD Also, hooray for Patty!

This story's way too fun to write, man. I plan to put some very fun things in the next chapter, so stay tuned!


	3. Chapter 3

Hello again guys! Yes, two chapters today! You lucky ducks.

Before we begin, I'd like to do one of those silly disclaimers. Come here, Crona-kun!  
><strong>Crona:<strong> Wh-wha? Huh? What are you doing?  
><strong>Eevee:<strong> I'm making you do a disclaimer.  
><strong>Crona:<strong> A... a what?  
><strong>Eevee:<strong> _(cheerfully)_ A disclaimer! Just a statement that explains that I don't own any of the characters used in this story!  
><strong>Crona:<strong> O-oh... _(twiddles thumbs)_ Do you think I can do that?  
><strong>Eevee:<strong> Of course you can, love. _(pat pat)_  
><strong>Ragnarok:<strong> Dammit, kid, just say the stupid line already!  
><strong>Crona:<strong> Aah! _(speaks very quickly)_ Eevee Tofu does not own any Soul Eater characters or elements exclusive to the series! Please don't hit me! If you hit me I'll get bruises! I can't deal with having bruises all over me!  
><strong>Eevee:<strong> D'aww. Poor baby. _(cuddles)_ You did a wonderful job.  
><strong>Crona:<strong> I CAN'T DEAL WITH CUDDLING! ;A;

Without any further ado, I give you chapter three! I'll probably rant more afterwards.

**- x - x - x - x - x -**

Maka pushed open the doors of the DWMA and stepped out into the sunlight. It was a cloudy day, but not in the way that indicated rain. A light breeze caught her pigtails and tickled her face with them. She sensed Soul's wavelengths somewhere above her, and when she looked up - sure enough, a furry white tail dangled over the edge of a large ornamental skull.

"Hey," she said gently, as she climbed up to join him. Soul was curled up in a sunbeam with his back to her; he gave a soft grunt to acknowledge her presence. Maka frowned a little. "Soul..."

"What, did you follow me here just to laugh at me some more?"

His maestre cringed at the bitterness in his voice. "Look, it's just... Nobody was expecting you to act like that. We're not used to it-"

"_You're_ not used to it?" The scythe sat up, and Maka could now see his frustrated expression. "How do you think _I_ feel, getting random urges to chase anything that moves?" He rested his chin on his knees and wrapped his arms around his legs. "It's fuckin' driving me nuts," he muttered, his tail flopping back and forth. "Even the damn _sun_ is laughing at me..."

Maka lifted a hand to shield her eyes, and squinted at the bright sky. "Soul, the sun _always_ laughs like that." She turned her gaze back to her weapon partner and scooted a little closer to him.

"Whatever." Soul grumped. "It still ain't cool, having these damn cutesy ears." His tail stilled as Maka's hand made contact with his ear and scratched it gently. "Mmn..." Against his wishes, he began to purr softly, which brought color to his cheeks. "Damn it."

The girl giggled quietly and moved to scratch his other ear as well. The purr rumbling in his chest grew louder, and his eyes drifted shut in enjoyment.

"Hey. Maka," he said, his voice mixing with the purr and sounding slightly husky. "Don't take advantage of my weak points." He tried to sound threatening, but failed miserably.

"Oh, be quiet. It's not like anyone's watching, so your stupid 'coolness' level isn't going to drop." Maka stuck her tongue out at him. "Just chill out and be a cat for once. Maybe if you let it out, it won't be so hard to be human for the rest of the day."

"Hm... Maybe." Soul glanced up into her face, a flurry of emotion evident in his dark red eyes. Maka could tell he was definitely enjoying this, but she'd be damned if he was going to admit that out loud. She smiled a bit as his eyes closed again. The vibrations from his purring sent little trembles through her fingers; they danced up the length of her arms and slid down her spine like a troupe of firemen down a pole.

"Soul," she murmured, not realizing the name had been spoken aloud until after she'd said it.

"Hmm?" her weapon partner muttered lazily, actually nuzzling into her hand. His eyelids had fallen almost completely shut; his glassy eyes were mere slits.

Maka blushed a little, but tried to will it away. "Um..." She tried to think of an excuse to have spoken his name. "Did... you want to go back to class?"

Soul chuckled. "Not really. Did you see how Stein was looking at me?" His ears twitched happily in his maestre's hands. "Creep city, man." A genuine smile curled his lips at the sound of Maka laughing. It was a true laugh, pure and innocent and youthful. He nuzzled her hand again. "Besides, I'm kinda tired..."

"How can you be tired? It's still early in the morning."

"I know, but for some reason I am." Soul yawned, and stretched a bit. "And the sun feels nice... I might just take a nap right here..."

Maka sighed in defeat, though her slight grin showed that she wasn't really angry. "Alright. But only until the next class, oka... y...?" Her blush returned full-force as Soul curled up beside her and rested his head on her lap. She glared down at him, and was about to hit him, but she caught sight of his face. He looked peaceful, and didn't appear to have any perverted intentions afoot. "Hnng..." Maka grabbed a book from her bag, which she'd hauled up to the top of the skull. "I swear, Soul, if you try anything _funny_ down there, I will kick your butt into next Tuesday."

"Deal." The boy began to purr again as her fingers combed into his hair and stroked a fluffy ear. Within a few minutes, he'd drifted off to sleep. His hands curled into loose fists, alternating between clenching and relaxing.

Maka couldn't keep from smiling. The sight was simply adorable. "You're just too cute, Soul Eater," she giggled quietly, opening her book. She almost wished he'd stay like this forever... it was refreshing to have him showing a little affection, even if it _was_ only because of natural feline reactions.

**- x - x - x - x - x -**

Oh dear, character development! Where did all the funny go? I bet Ragnarok ate it :V

Oh, by the way, I'd like to explain a few things regarding the story...

The title is indeed a take on "The Blair Witch Project," which I'm sure is where the character herself got her name. This isn't one of my best titles, but hey. The story makes up for it.

Also, I have NO IDEA how "maestre" is spelled in canon. I use that spelling because it looks fancy. AND IT'S COOL. And Soul likes coolness. Also, giraffes. That is my reasoning for everything, because Patty.


	4. Chapter 4

Why yes, I _am_ going crazy with this story. Three chapters posted in one day? HOLY FUCKIN HELL, CALL THE RECORD BOOKS!

**- x - x - x - x - x -**

_Grumble._

Maka's eyelid twitched.

_Gurgle._

She bit her lips, trying to concentrate on the book in front of her.

_Glurg._

"Soul, I can hear your stomach from over here! Why don't you go eat something?"

"Meh..." The boy shrugged from his reclined position on the sofa. "Couch is comfy."

Maka knew this excuse. She rolled her eyes and let out an exasperated sigh. "Alright, what do you want? I'll make it."

Soul thought for a moment. "Fish. No... cheese. Wait... Macaroni and tuna!"

Maka made a face. "Ew, that sounds gross."

"Are you kidding me? It sounds delicious!"

The scythemaestre rolled her eyes again. "Alright, I'll make it, but you _have_ to eat it, whether you like it or not..."

"Fine by me." Soul's ears twitched, and he sat up suddenly. "Whatwasthat. Ohmygod." He jumped up and ran to the other side of the room, and stood there, his eyes darting about as if he'd lost sight of something.

"... Soul... What are you-"

"HOLYCRAP!" Soul dashed off into another room, leaving Maka confused as all hell. A few moments later, he came scrambling into the kitchen on all fours, and skidded across the floor into a cabinet door. (... Why am I rhyming?)

"What the hell are you doing?" Maka demanded.

"Wherediditgo. IswearIsawitcomethisway." Soul's eyes continued to scan the surrounding area, his pupils dilated to an almost creepy degree. "Ohmygodthereitis! ACK!" He choked as Maka grabbed hold of the back of his shirt, preventing him from running off again. He then received a frying pan to the head.

"Cut it out! What's wrong with you?" Maka looked angry, but also... worried. "If you keep rushing around like that, you're gonna break something!" She sighed and released his shirt. "Just... stay in here while I make your... food." She said the last word with slight disdain, as if she found Soul's idea of a meal questionable. "Okay?"

"Yeah, alright." Soul grunted a little as he sat down right there on the floor, and watched Maka prepare his food. As she worked, she hummed softly to herself. The scythe tilted his head slightly as he realized that even though he'd never heard the melody before, it still sounded... familiar, somehow. It compelled him to move over to where Maka stood, and lean against her leg.

After her initial surprise, Maka smiled at the action. Even above the sound of the boiling water, she could hear him purring, and it made something inside her wriggle with joy. She reached down and ruffled his hair lightly. "You're really weird, Soul."

"I'm still cool, right?" He tilted his head up to give her that characteristic half-smirk that showed his teeth.

Maka grinned begrudgingly. "Yeah. Still cool."

**- x - x - x - x - x -**

Aww, lookit the fluff. Isn't it precious?~

The song Maka is humming? It's their character song tee hee I had to put that in here somewhere it's been STUCK IN MY DAMN HEAD ALL WEEK FFFFF SOUL'S VOICE MAKES ME TINGLY AND I NEED TO STOP THINKING ABOUT IT WHEN I'M AT WORK

Okay, let me explain the whole "macaroni and cheese with tuna" thing. First of all, it makes bloody sense to me, because every cat I've ever known has loved cheese, and of course fish is a feline favorite. (Ha-HA! My skills!) Also, mac and cheese with tuna is FUCKING AWESOME, and if you've never had it before I demand that you go and eat some RIGHT NOW. You can even add peas if you're so inclined. That's the way my daddy used to make it when I'd spend weekends at his house. c:

Speaking of my daddy, that's also where the whole "chasing a nonexistant thing" thing comes from. We got a kitten from the shelter, and he liked to randomly race around the house at night. We said it was because he was chasing ghosts. XD

I demand more reviews! Or I will put lipstick on Ragnarok :U


	5. Chapter 5

This was supposed to be just a silly story.

It... evolved.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you... PLOT. It's kind of strange, but it's plottier than what we've had so far.

**- x - x - x - x - x -**

"This place sucks." Soul leaned back against the wall, glaring at the atmosphere around them.

"Really? I would have figured you'd like going to a place like this..." Maka held her breath as one particularly odiferous man walked by, eyeing her as he passed.

Soul's ears flattened. "Please tell me that's the guy we're supposed to kill," he growled, glaring daggers at the man's back.

"No, I don't feel any powerful souls in here..." Maka edged closer to her weapon partner, feeling very uneasy so close to a dance floor. The music was too loud, the lights were too dim, there were people doing very inappropriate things, and the whole place smelled of drugs.

The scythe could sense her discomfort. "Remind me again why _we_ had to do this mission?" he grumped.

"Because Black Star isn't old enough to get in here, and Kid would probably explode if he so much as set foot in this building."

"Heh... Guess you're right about that," Soul smirked, noting how nothing about the place seemed neat and orderly. "Sure wish that Kishin would show up already so we can kill him and get out of here..." His tail thumped against the wall in his irritation.

"I don't know if it's going to be that easy." The scythemaestre shifted uncomfortably. "Lord Death said this guy is very methodical and careful about how he kills his victims... I have a feeling this isn't going to be like the usual tactless brute force we're used to dealing with."

"Ah, whatever. We can take him anyway, right?" Soul flashed his cocky grin, and a wave of confidence surged through Maka, who nodded her agreement.

"Hey, wha's a perty li'l lady like you doin' over here bein' a wallflower?" An obviously inebriated man seemed to come out of nowhere, leering at Maka.

If looks could kill, Soul would have murdered him in an instant. "Do you have a death wish?" he hissed, curling a protective arm around her shoulders.

"Whoa, easy, dude, it was just a question..."

The scythe bared his sharp teeth and emitted a noise somewhere between a hiss and a growl, and the man disappeared into the crowd.

"See why I hate this place?" he muttered to Maka. "Creeper central..." His eyes scanned the room as he licked his teeth angrily.

"Y-yeah..." Maka cleared her throat. "Don't go anywhere. I have to, um..." She glanced in the direction of the restrooms, and Soul rolled his eyes, waving a hand to dismiss her. He watched after her as she slid along the wall, trying not to make contact with anyone.

A shudder rippled up his spine, and he instinctively turned to face the front of the establishment. A man had just entered - he appeared fairly young and attractive, perhaps in his late twenties; his dark blue hair barely touched his shoulders. Even from across the room, the scythe could clearly see the hungry glint in his eyes that only Kishin souls possessed.

"That's gotta be him." Soul kept an eye on his every move, trying to develop a plan for going after him. He couldn't do anything on his own; he had to wait for Maka to come back... He figured she'd probably sensed his arrival, too. How in the world were they going to take him down in such a crowded place?.. Unfortunately, during his thought process, he'd lost sight of the man. He silently cursed himself for allowing his attention to wander.

"Hello, kitten." A velvety voice nearly made him jump; he turned to find the Kishin standing right beside him, giving him a smouldering look and a sexy smirk. "Any reason why you've been staring at me ever since I came in?"

Soul's throat felt very dry all of a sudden. His target was RIGHT THERE, and he couldn't do anything about it. He felt paralyzed by the demon's gaze - Soul had never been one to feel attracted to other men, but this guy practically oozed sex from every orifice. The scythe could now understand why this Kishin had become so dangerous in such a short time. If he had the ability to make _him_ go weak in the knees, he could probably charm _anyone_ into being his next meal...

"Well?" The Kishin extended a hand and trailed his finger down Soul's jaw. "What do you say, pussycat?"

"Get your dirty Kishin hands off my partner." Maka's voice cut into Soul's consciousness like his own scythe blade, snapping him out of his trance. He ducked around the man to join her, taking her hand and transforming into his weapon form. The girl's hazel eyes glared dangerously at the Kishin, and she held the scythe in a battle-ready stance. "We're from the DWMA, and we're here to take your soul."

"Oh, how cute." The demon sneered condescendingly at her. "I should have known Death would send some of his little bitches after me..." He chuckled. "You kids don't look too dangerous. Shame, though..." He glanced around at the crowd that had parted to give them some space. "I'd gotten used to this appearance... I'll have to change it again once I kill you."

"You're obviously underestimating us," Maka said through clenched teeth. "Come on, Soul. Let's show this demon scum what we're _really_ capable of."

"Lead the way, Maka." The scythe's spirit grinned excitedly, and Maka launched herself at the demon, who simply stood there.

"Such foolish children." The Kishin reached out and placed his hand on Maka's shoulder as she was about to slice into him. "You really _don't_ know what you're messing with, do you?"

Maka's eyes widened as her entire body went limp. The scythe dropped from her hands and clattered to the floor, and the Kishin struck her forcefully in the torso, sending her flying backwards.

"Maka!" Soul transformed back to human form, even though he knew he wouldn't get there fast enough to catch her. However, he found that he didn't have to worry about that, as a familiar face darted forward to prevent her from slamming into the concrete floor. "Liz? What are you doing here?"

"I'm always here on Saturdays," the blonde said, shrugging one shoulder. "Patty's around. Somewhere. Probably staring into the strobe lights." She hoisted the unconscious Maka up and draped her limp arm across her shoulders. "Can you handle this guy?"

"Totally." Soul's arm transformed into the scythe's blade, and he crouched, ready to spring, watching the Kishin with his pupils dilated in concentration.

"Oh, you're so adorable," the Kishin simpered. "Trying to fight me without your maestre... Poor kitten. I know every pressure point on your body. I can render you immobile with just one touch..."

"We'll see about that." Soul lunged at him, concentrating on trying to land a hit, but his intentions changed when he noticed the demon's hand reaching for his neck. He quickly transformed his entire body, preventing the man's technique from working, as pressure applied to the handle of a scythe does not result in paralysis. The Kishin glared at him as he landed, having switched to human form in midair.

"You're smarter than I thought..." The Kishin's lip twitched up in a snarl. "I guess I'm not dealing with ordinary kids from Death's school, am I?"

"Heh... Not exactly." Soul tried to appear confident, though on the inside, he was struggling to think of an idea. He couldn't get close to the guy without being vulnerable to his touch, and if he couldn't get close, then he couldn't strike... What was he going to do?

"Hey. Suck on this, chucklenuts." A loud _BANG_ echoed throughout the club, and the Kishin pitched forward suddenly, a burst of pink light shooting into his back. He growled and turned around to face Liz, who supported Maka with one hand, and held a smoking pistol in the other. Said pistol quickly transformed into Patty, who stuck out her tongue and pulled her eyelid at the Kishin.

"Why, you little...!" Unfortunately for the demon, Soul's catlike reflexes allowed him to leap forward and slice him in half before he could even consider the dangers of turning his back on an opponent. The scythe chuckled victoriously as the Kishin's body turned to ribbons, leaving behind only the glowing red orb of his soul.

A very large man was suddenly behind him. "We have a policy against Weapons being in any form other than human," he said in a voice reminiscent of James Earl Jones. "I'm going to have to ask you all to leave. Immediately."

"Fine by me." Soul grabbed the flickering ball of light and made his way towards the front of the establishment, with Liz and Patty following behind him with Maka.

"That was so cool!" Patty gushed. "I was like, pow! And then you were like, shazam! And then he was like, uuugh," she went slack-jawed, her eyes rolling back in her head, giving her a more or less "dead" appearance, from which she quickly recovered. "And then that guy was all, 'GTFO NOOBS,' and you were like, 'kthx,' and now we're out here! BEST CLUB EVER!"

"I coulda taken him down myself," Soul muttered.

"Yeah, yeah." Liz rolled her eyes and smirked. "Here, take your girlfriend."

Soul bristled and shot her a glare. "She's not my girlfriend!" he hissed, though a faint blush colored his cheeks for a split second.

"She _should_ be," Liz grunted under her breath, heaving the still unconscious girl onto Soul's back. "Oh, that soul's yours, by the way," she added at normal volume. "Kid would freak if Patty and I hadn't collected an equal number, and besides which, you deserve it, Romeo." She winked, sticking her tongue out.

The scythe wrinkled his nose at her. "Oh, fuck off," he growled, turning to walk back to the school's dorms.

"Seriously, Soul!" Liz called after him. "Get it through your thick skull, dumbass!"

"Can't hear you!"

"Ugh..." The elder sister crossed her arms, pouting grumpily. "When is that stupid kid gonna _get_ it?"

"Give him time." Patty nodded sagely. "Come on sis, let's go home and tell Kid what happened!" She bounced up and down excitedly.

"Yeah, alright..." Liz glanced back at Soul carrying his maestre home. "Seriously, though, that guy's gotta be the most oblivious boy ever."

"I dunno sis, Kid's pretty stupid at times. Remember that one girl that kept flirting with him, and he was like totally not getting it?"

"That's 'cause he's gay."

The younger sister stopped walking for a moment. "Oohhh," she said thoughtfully, holding her chin. "Yeah, that makes sense now! You're so smart, big sis!"

"Just keep walking, Patty." Liz gave her a gentle push, laughing softly as she shook her head. She was surrounded by idiots. It was that simple.

**- x - x - x - x - x -**

Random interjection of Death the Kid's sexual orientation woohoo.

ERRBODEH IN DA CLUB GETTIN NERVE-PINCHED! Yes, that guy did do the Vulcan Nerve Pinch on Maka. Also, yes, I did reference Yu-Gi-Oh Abridged AND Finding Nemo. I'M KOO' LIKE DAT.

I lovelovelove all of Soul's catlike behavior in this chapter. It makes me squee.

I COMMAND YOU TO LEAVE A REVIEW NAO PLZ KTHXBAI


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